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You only see what i choose to show

April 2019

This might be the very last post before dayre switch to a subscription based only platform. I have been able to express my random inner thoughts for a good couple of years. As much as i am sad to see it end this way i know deep down this change was inevitable. Since words of words of dayre shutting down i have created a wordpress as well as a twitter account.https://sprinklesonicecream.wordpress.com

March 2019

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Finally i lost it and broke down to mummy. I asked her if she is able to provide me some money to tide me through this period. Its been a pretty tough time for my family but now instead of asking why has it got to be me. I ask, why does my mum need to suffer all these. She dont have to. If not for my dad and having us. Me especially so. She gave up so much just so i can fulfil my dreams. She gave me money at the expense of her bank account.

Theres alot going through in my life and in my mind right now. I am wondering at which point would i break. Trying to stay positive and happy but deep down i know i am no where near that. I dont like to show my vulnerabilities to anyone. It comes to a point that everything is fake. I put on a fake mask at work, infront of my friends, no one to truely confide and be my true self. & Thats all part and parcel of growing up?

I think i am pretty blessed. To have both my maternal grandparents and my paternal grandma with me till this age.I am contented. Yes it could be better but i cant think just for myself. I hope when the day comes, it'll be peaceful and pain free. She will be reunited with grandpa, the love of her life, and she will be happy.

I think i am learning to appreciate my family more these days. Especially mama and papa. It warmed my heart to know that this 2 readily accepted the fact that i am planning to settle down with boyf. Not that he proposed. But more like seeing each other as a lifetime companion and letting both our families know. Being in aussie for 2 years plus now, and i think it really did serve its purpose.

Saw an elderly chinese lady on board the bus today. She looks unkempt and had lots of baggage with her. And she looks like one of those homeless i see in the city everyday. I cant help but wonder why did they want to come to a foreign land in the first place? What made them make this move. I mean if you are gna be poor in a foreign land. Why dont you be happy poor in your own country?At least you have family with you ma, no meh?

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