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Xue Rou Toh


A pig.

May 2019

It’s funny how some people are only in our lives for a purpose. What was yours? Was it really to help me get on my feet in this little concrete jungle? To show me that there was more to life than work and to stop and smell the flowers just because? Were you there just to make me laugh because I hadn’t in a very, very long time? To show me parts of Singapore I’d never thought I’d explore? To make Singapore feel like home for me? I feel like this city reminds me so much of you and us.

April 2019

I hope you’re happy now and that you find whatever it is you’re looking for in your life.

March 2019

I once met a guy who believed in the same values and principles as I did. We clicked instantly as we realised how much we enjoyed each other’s company and the banter we had going. I felt it tugging at my heart strings, almost as if I found a very good friend in him. As we got to know each other, I begin to slowly let my guard down. I had never felt this comfortable with someone in a long time despite our stark differences. I was truly grateful and I genuinely cared.

February 2019

It’s weird how I still dream of you, of us so vividly. I dream of us over lazy weekend brunches, of us curling up like true couch potatoes watching Netflix. You would tell me about your week and I would, mine. The banter is real, the laughter is loud and the kisses warm, just like your hugs. All these feels like home, until I wake up, the morning breeze caressing my thick wavy hair and reality hits. I try to snuggle you, on your side of the bed until I realise you’re not there anymore.

January 2019

When I look up at the stars, I think about you and us. I think about how we finally fell apart and broke each other’s hearts. I asked if it will ever get better and fate does actually exist? If it does, then how do I build the damn bridge that leads us back to that night where we watched the stars against the waves crashing through the rocks.

I genuinely want to believe you are making a decision that is of our best interest. But somehow I find myself doubting that and instead believing that you’re just like every ordinary guy I’ve met and been with. You just want a way out without sounding like a complete twat. But you’d soften the blow and make yourself seem like less of a twat. It’s funny how things work out in life. From believing you are a decent and nice person to doubting that completely. Perhaps I’m naive after all.

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