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Life goal is to live in a 🌻 land

July 2018

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Am I supposed to be happy for you now that you finally found a direction in your life? Politically correct answer would be yes but yet the mind says otherwise. What was a common goal came out to be two different opinions, what was supposed to be a discussion became a one-sided communication full of suppressing thoughts. Whatever was planned fell through eventually.You’ve hit a raw nerve that hasn’t been triggered for the longest time, and this time I’m not going to forgive you for that.

Sometimes your hard work isn’t exactly recognised at that point of time, and while you try so hard to justify yourself, everyone thinks your input is of less significance. But who is to decide whether one had given their all?Only time will tell.

Was never the bravest soul to face this whole issue but I guess I have to address it right now by venting it out here in this post. Failure has always been a part of my life, be it studies or personal matters. Over the years, I thought I learnt how to cope with failure and how to cope with the judgmental views I would receive because of it.The past 2 weeks were nothing but a terrible mess. I spent time doubting, taking in the harshest comments ever despite my inner thoughts protesting.

It’s always easier to blame others. It’s always easier to tell others to correct their ways. Words are so much more easily expressed but when told to do it via actions, it probably takes eternity to do so. Similarly, it’s easier to do stuffs when you have an idea of what you want, but things don’t move when you refuse to share your idea and yet still insists on people to read your mind just because “you should know because you are old enough.”Done. So so done with you.

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I remembered setting an intention during one prac - “Be yourself. Be comfortable with being alone.” And mumbling the thought of “Don’t make too much friends this year ah!”But I gotta eat my words back. I find myself making friends at every quarter of 2018 - 2 quarters in and I’ve made.....3 FRIENDS! (Nothing to be proud of but coming from someone who lost everyone at one point of time, it means ALOT)So yes, I’ve made a new friend and the photo relates to him. Because eat clean firstπŸ‘†πŸΌ

Saving grace is that I finally found someone in the same ship as me - though it’s not a really good thing. Just wishing that I didn’t let my mind overtake my initial thoughts. πŸ˜”

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