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Life goal is to live in a 🌻 land

April 2019

On one of my messaging apps, your contact read “Deleted account”I don’t do departures very well, as much as ghosting. I expect messages to be answered within the next 3 days, and if it lapses for more than 3 days? I conclude that you are not worth the friendship. I set a reminder to message you every month, to hopefully not let my fears come true. 心也會累的, I gave up trying eventually. Thank you for these 2 years - I still hate you for leaving but I got the closure I wanted.

March 2019

You deserve better

Sometimes, I wish I am a better friend - one that others feel comfortable to be with, one that others can run in time of happiness and sadness, one that is there for everyone. I’ve been looking through my conversations recently - and I have been nothing but ranting my life. Sure enough I do apologise on certain occasions for my sudden outburst, but I somehow never took into what others said.

So conflicted. My thoughts are killing me.

February 2019

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Been holding all of these in since Friday’s incident. Never dared to tell anyone, not even my closest friends, because I feel like I will get judged for worrying and crying over it for two days. To be honest, I slept so much on Sunday because I 1) was tired 2) didn’t want to be reminded of what happened on Friday. The baseless allegations still kinda resurface in my mind every now and then but I’m just taking it one step at a time.

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因為有說不出的感傷,因為始終沒把你忘記過,因為下一次的聚餐已變成了一個遙遠的協議,因為偶爾還會特地走到你居住的地方,想想也許能碰到你,因為還是非常,非常地想你,尤其是今天,八年了,你還好嗎?

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