wanderchu (avatar)
updated 2 years ago

Day 100 of year 2017!

So many have changed, be it the good and bad.

Let me recall from Day 1...

First month of 2017 was just okay. We're just busy moving into the new house and gosh, that was the most hectic moments of all. I went back hometown every single week until post CNY.

February. I received a news from my colleague, SW, about him leaving the company. Yes, he gave 2 months of notice but still. I got to takeover some of his challenging work. The month passed by with less gamblings til the 15th day of CNY.

Which is a good thing lol.

Then March. The fastest month ever. Went to Hong Kong around 3rd week of March and attended Coldplay concert on the very last day. The month really passed by so quickly cos I was busy with work 😭 I almost had a breakdown too.

I'm so exhausted with work 😭😭

I've been telling myself to not breakdown and take these all as challenges but I really don't know how long can I last. On one side, I want to cry but on another side, I smack myself in the head thinking that my position is so junior, whine simi whine. This is nothing if want to compare with the more senior positions. Haih.

It also doesn't help when J would randomly shake his documents to get my attention and asked

You ok hor? 👌🏻?

Yes, with the hand gestures 👌🏻

I was using my earpiece and took them off to hear him repeat the same thing. He showed concern lah.

I just nodded and said "huh? Ya I'm okay. What is there to not be okay about?"

I thought I was funny la but gosh too sarcastic and he said "wahlao eh, I was asking you if you're ok then you answer like that.."

Hehehe sorry! Deep down, I'm afraid to be honest and say I'm not okay. What if you judge me and think I cannot handle stress?

What if I just appear as a whiney ass bitch? What if it's actually me thinking too much and making myself look so tired only? I believe my seniors would think I'm just over-reacting with all these situation. Why SW could handle it so well but I cannot? Is it because I have worse mentality when it comes to handling stress? Sigh.

I lost count of how many times I sighed loudly today. Every single time I sighed, I would remind myself to stop sighing. It looks so bad.

But yet I cannot stop sighing because I feel heavy pressure around my chest area. I feel pressured. I feel...tired. And by sighing, it released the pressure by that few seconds. Haih.

And also, J has been quiet today. He did not annoy me with his lame jokes today. I'm not sure why but he's just quiet and sort of left me alone. I sort of yearned for his lame jokes because it makes me feel better. A little entertained among the stress.

And just now, when pang gang, JL sort of made a comment that made me say something to tease J. J was hesitant in buying a pair of shoes because it was in a good deal. He asked for JL's opinion. JL said to me "just... what?"

Me: "just do it! He's so rich, just buy lah"

J: "ohhh someone is asking for it ah. Today I keep quiet and never disturb here, and here she is, asking to be disturbed"

😂 please disturb me more cos it makes the tough work more bearable

Day 100

Monday, 10 Apr 2017

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