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January 2019

This is a morbid start to 2019 but the idea of death and losses have been hovering in my mind. And I am so afraid to face it. The idea of imminent death of my love ones. With my grandparents reaching their 90s, with my dad's weak health, even thinking about the future without CY and I'm gonna be all alone. My heart ache so badly at these thoughts and I start sobbing. Abit siao cos it's not even happening yet but this is exactly the problem?

With a 2018 filled with hospital visits, I thought 2019 would be much better. But the news received today totally says otherwise or with even more complications.

I constantly feel like I don't have enough time to do what I want to do recently. Been getting home at 9/10+. Have dinner. Browse the internet then it's time for bed. But I even feel that I don't have time to browse the internet! So many things on my to do list but unable to settle them.

I must say 2018 was the worst year I've been through. Mainly with many many hospital visits, and decision of my grandparents to move back to their home. But I wouldn't be able to pull through without CY. My silent pillar of strength throughout everything. I do hope that 2019 will be much much better. For CY's new career, for my current career, and also both our families.

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