My ML is really coming to an end in 3 days... Thinking back on the past 4 months, I cannot agree more with what Chriselle Lim mentioned in one of her IG posts.
Motherhood is messy, chaotic, emotional, consuming and freaking amazing.
The First Month: Acclimatisation
The day I gave birth to my girl was the happiest day of my life. I’ve always been scared of childbirth. The worst is over, I thought.
Next few days- not too bad either. All my problems were resolved with the push of a button. I missed Guniang each time she was wheeled back to the nursery at night and I really looked forward to every feed. It didn’t matter that my sleep was disrupted every 2 hours. I’m very fortunate that baby latched well and my milk supply kicked in since D1. I really didn’t have much to worry about.
We were discharged after 3 days but continued to be well taken care of. The first of worries came- baby had jaundice. It was a great deal to me then and it pained me each time she had to be pricked.
As days passed, I began to feel tired from the pumping sessions. Because my 屁股尖 and cannot sit still, I was pretty hands-on with the caring of baby.
We celebrated Guniang’s full month and the end of confinement on the day my CL left. Till now, we’ve yet to send the photos to our guests because...
The Second Month: The Dark Days
... because the second month was freaking tough!
If engaging a CL was the best decision we’ve ever made, then engaging her for only 28 days was our worst.
I read my Feb Dayre entries and they were mostly filled with frustration.
I talked about how I spent a day topless because baby was perpetually hungry. I talked about how the light at the end of the tunnel was a train.
GuniangHands was a term of endearment on Dayre but I later on changed to HamBaoGer because she was always crying. Those were the days I cried together with baby.
It did not help that I didn’t have much help and support. Much as my mum would love to, she’s always busy with my nieces. My in-laws are working and Dan works long hours. I’m mostly managing the baby and household on my own.
Thankfully, by Week 6, baby was sleeping pretty long stretches at night and so we moved her cot out of our room. She was still not sleeping well in the day but she kinda started sleeping through the night. I SAW HOPE!
The Third Month: Eczema
The once high-needs baby is becoming manageable and predictable. She has developed a regular nap and sleep routine. She is able to go to sleep independently, takes decently long naps in the day and goes to sleep at 7pm.
Yet I said this almost every day then: I’d rather she’s a difficult child. I don’t mind taking care of a high-needs baby,
And in return, please let her get better.
These are photos I’ve never shared.
Because I couldn’t accept that my girl suffers from eczema.
Angry, red patches under her pits, around her neck, face, inner elbows, stomach...all over.
God knows how many times I’ve cried over it
Whenever I see her in discomfort
For a really long time, I was in denial. I know eczema is pretty common, but seeing her skin in this state and her in discomfort is another thing. I became an overprotective and paranoid mum.
I kept a food log and tried my best to avoid common allergens. I was obsessed with trying to figure out her triggers. I kept her cool, moisturised and clean all the time. I was afraid to babywear her because she would rub her face against my clothes.
But this girl is such a fighter. She doesn’t fuss even when her eczema flares up. She remains cheerful and I’ve no reason not to be. Dealing with eczema may be a long and painful journey but it is not a lonely one. Many reached to share their stories and tips.
Over time, I became more educated about eczema and began to treat it from the inside out. It has been a long and tedious process of testing and creating numerous chemicals & natural remedies before we finally saw a significant improvement in her condition.
The Fourth Month: Rainbow
For various reasons, the past two months were particularly stormy and it seems the sun is finally out!
She’s settled into a predictable routine so I know what to expect and prepare accordingly before she breaks into tears. I used to struggle with just taking care of her, but now I am able to take care of her, complete the household chores and even have time for UnMasque.
The once high-needs baby has grown into an easy and happy baby.
Smirking baby lol. Her eczema is also getting better and my baby finally has baby skin!
And just when things are getting better and seemingly easier...
... my ML’s coming to an end.
My dad always says, “你也休息够了啦”.
1. ML is not a break!
2. What saddens me is not me having to work but me having to miss out on the precious moments.
I’ll miss being the first person she sees when she wakes up. I’ll miss the excited look on her face when I enter her room.
I will miss playing with her before her first feed when her mood’s the best.
I will miss having her eyes follow me around.
I will miss our silly moments (how baby will look like with hair lol).
I’ll miss how she always finds her way to my fingers to hold them.
Saturday, 18 May 2019
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