Maria Victoria (avatar)
updated 4 months ago

The Self

Yesterday was my best friends’ wedding (apostrophe in place). It was a perfect ceremony in a very lovely place overlooking Taal lake and volcano. I was thrilled to be part of their entourage even when i really shelled out a lot of bucks by being so, lol. I love them though and i truly enjoyed being part of their big day.

I went by this look. This, i think is the first time i ever sported curls, so while the set is being done, i am tightly crossing my fingers. My plan B is to beg the stylist to just losely bun it up in case the waves would actually make me look like crap. I think it went alright though, lol.

Anyway, what i’d like to really jot down here is the fact that i went to the wedding alone and i never knew one soul among the guests! It was a rather refreshing experience. The introvert in me thoroughly enjoyed walking around and observing in solitude. Would have been perfect if wine or cocktails were served, but being Born Again Christians (i suppose) they’re not the biggest fan of alcohol.

I took the bus getting there, and since the event finishes late in the night, my initial plan was to book myself a room. I hesitated however since the hotel i have been eyeing is quite far from Tagytay’s main road. So when the wedding was about to end, i am still a homeless person and was seriously comtemplating on commuting back to Manila past 22:00. Things fell into place though when it turned out that one of the guests has a spare single room where i could crash for the night.

My original plan to have a quiet brunch in a place where there’s view of Taal still pushed this morning. It’s funny that I rode the jeepney not actually knowing where i am going. I just saw a restaurant that “seems” to have a good view, paid my fare then got off the jeep. Lol.

Food is so-so but the view is just what i am hoping to get.

I heard once from a favorite preacher that sometimes, we fail to truly appreciate the beauty in one thing because it is near to us, or that it’s familiar. I think, Taal volcano/lake is one such thing.

First time i am seeing this just by myself and i think that sparks the realization that this calm, this combination of different shades of blue, white and green, would actually pass as my favorite.

On Another Note

A house roving seamstress was in our living room. I had to offer her the buko pie i was eating. She politely declined. Somehow, i was relieved since that would mean a forced conversation is not fated to happen. I was wrong. Out of the blue, she told me “buti hindi ka pa nag-aasawa” (it’s good (i supposed she meant for the welfare of my parents) that you’re not married yet). I laughed it off and just said “wala pa pong aasawahin” (nobody to get married to yet).

Then she had to ask how old i am. I kind of made some funny face telling her my actual age by the end of this month. I can tell it made her awkward, lol. After a few seconds she proceeded to tell me that well, she got married at 32. Her sister, at 37 and even had three kids! (with an exclamatory conviction). To which i (the next adverb in all caps, bolded and italized) LAUGHINGLY replied “may pag-asa pa” (then there’s still hope!).

I’m not sure why but unlike most girls i know, i’m not really easily upset by remarks such as those. My best guess would be because, most of those remarky people know me as (and i hate how overused this is) a strong independent woman with a stable career and so, regardless of how they would react with my rebuttal, i am pretty sure i have given them an air that being not married is ‘my choice’ and it does not count as me missing out on anything.

Except of course, it wasn’t really my choice, lol.

Truth to be told, if that thing is really up to me, i would also NOT want be married yet at this point. But, i would definitely put much less thoughts into it, and maybe put it at the bottom most part of my worries log, if i am at least in a promising realtionship already. Which is sorely not the case, lol.

Of course, it still bugs me from time to time, but the thing is (and this is what i really want to highlight here) I am actually excessively thankul that compared to probably three or four years ago, i can confidently say i have made more solid peace with that particular topic (much more unpretentiously) now.

Maybe its the evolution. The ageing, which i so desparately dread the past few years of my life, apparently has become my best friend today. The one who lit the wisdom bulb for me, making me clearly see and accept in utter faith that “whatever will be, will be”.

If the right man will come, then he will come regardless of when and how.

And since i am on this topic, guess who’s recently tried Tinder again? Lol. I once declared a total ban against the app because i always go back to remembering how it used to make me feel a tad uneasy, and also, to some extent (and in ironic juxtaposition), “easy”, if you know what i mean.

I realised now that’s only because, like i somewhat implied earlier, back then, i am feeding a frustrated relationship appetite.

Right now, i am enjoying Tinder much more, lol. I now get to be judgey. Like how this guy is super dumb, or that guy is actually fraud-smart, or this guy is quite cool or that guy is interesting but unpromising. (Let’s see if a perfect combo could ever come up, lol).

Bottomline, thank you ageing.

Three or four years ago, i die a little each time i’d imagine reaching the age i’m in right now and remaining status-quo. But i am here now, a whole lot better, outlook-in-life speaking. Like you probably always hear from inspirational talks and read in self-help books, it really is just a matter of perspective. In my case it wasn’t easy. I felt like i have always struggled forcing to right my take on things. But then it came to me effortlessly, one momentous, though ironically, unmemorable day.

Maybe, that’s the case for my army of everyone else?

Day 12

Saturday, 12 Jan 2019

8 0

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