I don’t usually feel so sad about celebrities deaths
But maybe because I’m on my period so negative news just seem to take the wind out of my sails.
I don’t know if it’s because he was so young and so close to my age, or if it was because he was somebody that we watched on tv as a kid and even now as he grew up into a young lad.
Or if it is because of the circumstances in which he died.
Or if it is because of the fact that his last words to his mum was to tell her to not cry, if not he would too. And that he had plans to bring her around
Or that he left behind his girlfriend, whom no one knew about before because theywbere really low profile. And reading everything she wrote broke my heart because we all have someone we love greatly and deeply, and that we all fear to lose.
Or that we all hear about how good he was to everyone and how he was bullied for acting. And how he loved his job.
Maybe it was one of those that struck me deeply, or maybe it was all of those.
It still feels very surreal, and I thought he would have recovered eventually. But seeing news of it all over reddit, instagram and facebook still can’t really drill that news into me.
I still feel like he would pop out of somewhere, someday and it would be like this was all just a dream.
And it struck me that growing old is a privilege, not a guarantee.
I have always been aware of my own mortality. But I don’t know why and what of this unfortunate event, but I have become more aware of the mortality of people around me. Soup, my mum, my granny, my siblings, my friends etc.
To a certain extent, I have taken them for granted.
I always feel like no matter how long I am away for, whenever I come home, I will always have them.
But that viewpoint is tossed out of the window now.
I won’t always have them. If I’m lucky, I will get to spend time with them for the next 30,40 years.
But I might not always be so lucky.
Because no one can say how long all of us has got on this Earth.
And with how all the political unrest and environmental issues going on ... I hope we all get lucky.
Soup correctly predicted what would happen
He had to get up at 4am and I said I would get up with him. He told me he dont think that’s gonna happen. WELL. He was right.
He laughed as I was going “noooo.... you get up by yourself” and he said, I told you so
Packing my stuff now and oh my god. So much rubbish
Wednesday, 30 Jan 2019
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