It’s 3am and I’m wide awake
I blame it on the coffee I drank at 11pm. I make some weird decisions sometimes. Soup’s sleeping soundly beside me and it’s quite reassuring his snores are.
I’m officially unemployed after my graduation on the 11th of January. Have been looking for jobs for well over half a year now and haven’t got too lucky.
I’m a bit restless but Soup has been reassuring me that it’s good that I’m having time off for myself after a year of stress that caused havoc for both my physical and mental health.
I’m waiting earnestly to hear back from a job application I sent in last week. It’s a position that my mentor recommended for me and she has vouched for me when the hiring manager asked her regarding my application so keeping fingers crossed that I at least get to the interview stage.
I have learnt to not get my own hopes up too high because you know what they say about higher expectations bring you greater disappointments.
Have lower expectations, give it your all and hope to be surprised
Obviously we only like to talk about good news and not really about the struggles. So my family has obviously not been kept in the loop about my jobseeking misadventures.
My mum recently told me that my dad was unhappy about me not flying back to Singapore right after being done with my degree in September and not looking for a job.
I was instantly defensive.
My time left abroad was limited. And it didnt make sense for me to fly home and then fly back. I was looking for jobs.
I just didn’t say anything.
Plus I think after a year of working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, I deserved some time off for myself to recover.
I don’t think I was wrong in being selfish. And I was upset that people think that I’m not trying just because I don’t broadcast every single aspect of my life every day.
The best testament is the amount of CVs I’ve tailored to the positions I was applying for, the amount of rejection emails and all the job alerts I’ve set up.
I don’t and shouldn’t have to owe anyone any explanation.
Anyway. Got that off my chest.
I’m just a teeny weeny bit upset and angry. Because you know how I don’t like being wronged. And it makes me so frustrated.
Especially when I know I deserve a rest. My mental health took a backseat and I’m just recovering from it. Beta-blockers used to be my best friend if I even want to be semi-productive.
My physical health is ... interesting. I’m just waiting to go home now just so that I would be in good hands.
In all other news, I am going to miss Soup and his fam.
His mum is so adorable and she’s always so happy to see me. And Siggy is genuinely upset to see me go.
I’m also going to miss Kate, Gabbi’s dog thatvI always hang out with after riding horsie with Soup’s Mum
And dear Askan who did not like going out in a snow/hail storm
Soup asked me why do I always post snippets of our daily talks onto instagram
I told him, it’s because when I miss him. I have got some sort of tangible stuff to look at and I will always be reminded of why I love him.
Soup was out today running errands and I got to sign for parcels
Normally I wouldnt have to speak too much German. But this time round the DHL guy asked (in german of course) for name, which I managed to catch and reply.
Then he asked me about something else which I got very confused about then it struck me that he’s asking for me to keep the parcels for the neighbour !
I used some really broken German (das ? Mit mir?) and then he said yes. And I was like ja, kein problem !
I felt a little accomplished lmao
Tuesday, 29 Jan 2019
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