Dear Dayre, today was an absolute emotional roller coaster. Woke up at 8.30am, had a great run (you know the kind you can go on at a comfortable pace for 5km without breaking a sweat) and I felt really good about myself.
Then went for an early lunch at 11am before malls started getting crowded, ran my errands including grocery shopping and all was fine and dandy.
Then came the plot twist. I chanced upon something which triggered my decision to visit my parents.
Without going to much detail, I got into a terrible quarrel with my hubs on how we should be spending our weekends and time allocation between friends, family and us.
And I felt terrible. Terrible for shouldering the blame of not being able to manage all my relationships and my hubs wasn't helping at all. When it comes to dissecting issues and explaining what's what, he does no sugar coating whatsoever and whacks you with the cold hard truth.
I simply cannot imagine how we can start a family & he suggested maybe we shouldn't?
It just broke my heart. Shouldn't I also be given the right to voice my own opinions and make changes to my own lifestyle to support the decision we make together?
Just because things are what it is today doesn't mean it wouldn't change when our priorities do? At the same time, I'm so afraid what change will do to us if today's episode caused such a big stir in my heart, & it wasn't even that big of a deal!
He's always been the one who's been more keen about starting a family & now that he thinks this way, I just didn't know how to feel towards that statement.
Well I've never thought I wouldn't have a family of my own & I've also never given up on the idea so hearing that was a little weird?
Saturday, 19 Jan 2019
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