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December 2018

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exactly a week ago today, i'd met him.it comes as no surprise now to know that i, particularly, have a sibylline fondness for all those who are, by nature, quiet and reserved. i am, on all accounts, drawn to that unmistakable flame. and just that, he was.consummately bashful.it had been my one random dm that'd set off the spontaneous meeting. and from that point, i'd had zero anticipations for furthering our time together.

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last leg of 2018. i'm only four days behind— no big. it's still a tad early to be doing the reminiscing and reflecting but i definitely already feel like there's going to be lots to say. at least from me.it's no surprise now that my life happens in a new york minute. so much so that i sometimes feel like i sneeze and everything tips over and turns topsy-turvy(!)employment update is literally zilch. the closest description i'd use is the flatline on a heart monitor. i'm almost at wits' end.

November 2018


for me, working on the frontline has always been the best thing and the worst thing. cold interacting with people can be the most fun and often, a healthy distraction from the tangle of thoughts that pretty much sits quietly and permanently in the space between my ears. that said, though, it's undeniable, too that it can be the most difficult thing in the world to get through if one so happens to be plagued by some mental/emotional affliction or burden that's simply quite unshakeable.

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back from having been whisked away for four days. i legitimately feel like a modern day dorothy— hopped on an aeroplane and stepped off to discover i wasn't quite in my kansas anymore.it was definitely a lot of fun to be a different (new?) me but i'll be honest— it was also quite tiring. on the final evening of our stay, i found myself feeling quite relieved to be going home but at the airport, i was somewhat heavy hearted. strange how i was feeling such a mix of emotions(!)

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i'm home alone this weekend. what joy! what bliss! it's so lovely and freeing to be able to move from space to space within the house (how ever dressed) and not have to worry about who i'd run into, who might burst through the doors, who might come by for a visit or who might be talking/arguing— they sound the same doing either.it's so wonderful to live alone. i find the older i get, the more of a homebody i become.

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i thought a lot last night at loklok. as i gnawed at freshly boiled bits of food skewered on a wooden stick, i found a stream of consciousness was flowing in that space between my ears.the first being that men in the mid to late 30s pile actually reek of desperation. and it's very much gratifying yet slightly harrowing to ascertain and experience.the second: that it's very sad how men don't seem to know how to court women anymore in this day and age.

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