Sara Janelle 🍉 (avatar)
updated 1 year ago
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TEENAGE bullshit: Victim blaming

I have moved the updates up here so it's easier to catch up. The original story is below if you scroll a bit.

Update:

Hi all, I just dropped my university classmate, who writes for Mothership, a Facebook message. Her editor has given her the green light. As to when the article will be out, I'm not too sure. If you're reading this zee, thank you so much for your help!!

Update:

Teenage Magazine has left a comment on my Facebook post.

Update:

The story is live on Mothership!! Thank you zee!!!!!!

Go share it guys!!

Update:

Kelly has released an official 'apology' on Teenage Magazine official website.

She used other statements in her article to stress that she did not blame the victim.

But she has ignored the countless attacking statements that she has made throughout her article.

Some of those statements are even highlighted in RED.

Tell me again, how is this an apology?

Shame on you.

Update:

This is the statement of apology released by Teenage Magazine on their official Facebook page.

"Tough love and no-nonsense advice"?

Would you dare to tell a rape victim (boy or girl) in the face something like that? Would you say something like that if the victim is a close relative of yours?

Tough love. Cut the crap.

Update:

This happened earlier on this afternoon. I was approached by journalists for my comments on this whole matter.

I agreed to talk to them and have already done so.

~

************************************

I've never read anything more appalling in my entire life.

J and I were at Fairprice when we came across this magazine. This was my Holy Bible when I was a young teen.

I picked this up and started flipping through with J to reminisce about the lame things we used to read back in the day.

Not sure how many people remember this, but this magazine has an aunt agony section titled "Dear Kelly". That was my favourite section because I very kaypoh la.

So naturally, I flipped to that section.

Came across this story that was submitted by a young teenage girl and of course the title was very alarming so I wanted to know what advice "Kelly" offered.

Basically, this is the gist of the whole story. Young naïve girl trusted her best buddy and stayed over for a couple of nights. Her best buddy betrayed her trust and took advantage of her without seeking her consent.

CONSENT is very important, folks.

This was the advice given by "Kelly".

How to victim-blame:

Emphasise on the victim's actions and remind her that her actions caused her to be raped, without realising that she gave zero consent at all.

"You gave every indication..."
"Never once did you..."
"You accepted wine..."

The very last line just left me speechless. Indication is NOT verbal consent. Accepting a drink is NOT verbal consent.

NO. JUST NO.

This is NOT a case of two young teens misunderstanding one another. This is a case of a young boy not grasping the concept of consent and hence, taking advantage of a girl who was entirely helpless.

Even if she agreed to stay over with no adults present. Even if she was drunk. Even if she was naked.

As long as there is no verbal consent, nothing in this world will make his actions seem okay! It is not a plain "misunderstanding", you Kelly bitch.

So what if she's a poly student?! SO FUCKING WHAT.

Why blame her just because of her age?! Her age is not a factor at all!

"You are expected to know..."

She trusted her friend. HE should have known better. No matter what, she is never at fault. HE is the one who should expect repercussions. HE is the one who should shoulder the blame. HE is the one who should have asked for her consent.

And the last sentence?

Victim-blaming at its fucking finest.

The very last line.

"Most people won't believe you are so innocent."

This is the fucking reason why victims choose to keep quiet and not tell anyone, much less report to the authorities.

Have we all not learnt???

Clearly
Fucking
Not.

"You can be grateful..."

She just got raped and you still expect her to count her fucking blessings?!?!!?!?!?!?!

Good on you, "Kelly".

Fuck off I hope you lose your job.

"After this horrendous experience, I expect you will not do anything foolish again."

Why is she writing as if the victim had committed a crime and that she's being punished??

No, she didn't cheat and get herself expelled.

No, she didn't steal and get herself arrested.

She got raped and that is NEVER a punishment.

I cannot understand how this sort of advice can get published, really. I just cannot comprehend.

Hundreds of teenagers read magazines like this. Adolescents and pre-teens, even. What are we teaching young kids? What kind of mentality are we drilling into the minds of young teens?

This article has exhibited victim-blaming at an ultimate level. The girl gets blamed and the guy gets away scot-free. What are young girls going to think? What are young boys going to think?

Are we teaching our young girls that it is their duty to prevent themselves from getting raped? Are we telling them that they will be blamed when the control they have over their bodies is forcefully taken away from them?

Are we teaching our young boys that it's okay to rape? That concept of consent is just a fairy tale? That it is okay to disrespect girls? That it is okay to forcefully take away something that doesn't belong to them?

Telling me that "boys will be boys" is just akin to telling me that you are okay if it happens to another girl.

By using that as a reason/excuse to disregard such vile actions is just condoning it and by condoning rape, you're just letting it happen to another girl. Because they will never learn from their mistakes since no one is going down hard on them.

This is disgusting. It's disgusting to see such things in a magazine that has Singaporean youth as its main demographic.

Don't fucking tell me rape culture is non-existent in Singapore.

It is. It fucking is.

Fuck you, Kelly.

Not a shameless plug, but please just share this. More people need to know about this.

It started off as a rant and then came the need to push for change. Not a post to preach about my beliefs and criticise males.

I think by writing this, I'm conceding defeat. It's just sad to see that people do think that my post on Facebook is just a bunch of bullshit.

Some have commented that the victim deserves it. Some have commented that she asked for it. Some have said that we are just being biased towards females, trying to fight for rights so that women will be superior to men.

We are not out to grab men by the throat and make them bow down to females. We are not out to hate, spread negativity or stir shit.

We just want to stand up and fight against something that is so toxic to our society and that is rape culture. Is that wrong?

I get that everyone has their own personal opinions... And I know I shouldn't make this about me. But I just feel really down when I see comments like that...

😔

Thank you everyone for leaving me positive comments, encouraging me to stay strong and positive. I really appreciate your kind words.

I believe many of you have seen the apology made by Teenage Magazine on Facebook as well as the open letter penned by AWARE. I'm glad that we have come together to shed light on rape culture in Singapore and create awareness.

This rant post evolved and snowballed into something that I have never expected. And I'm extremely grateful for all the time and effort that everyone has put in to spread the word.

Day 316

Friday, 11 Nov 2016

976 113
clrxe (avatar)

clrxe What the actual fuck

1 year ago

saraxjanelle (avatar)

saraxjanelle @clrxe ikr 🙄 I cannot believe it also

1 year ago

Klowheee (avatar)

Klowheee Eh lmao wtf this Kelly just sounds like a mother fucking salty bitch that happens to be the ex of this rapist dude like ERR WHAT THE FUCK GURL U WILL NOT BE SAYING THAT IF IT HAPPENED TO U. Ps/ Kelly is an old woman. Her face appeared in teenage before!!!!!

1 year ago

saraxjanelle (avatar)

saraxjanelle @Chloweee YA EXACTLY!! I bet she won't say shit like that if the girl in question is her family member zzz 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 OMG 2016 still got this mentality what even??? The thing is, editor and the team all never proof read and scan content one ah? GG

1 year ago

Klowheee (avatar)

Klowheee Lmao honestly I would write in to request a sweep of the magazine back into the office. It's absurd

1 year ago

milkpudding (avatar)

milkpudding i'm writing in to them about this what the actual fuck

1 year ago

jojobeans (avatar)

jojobeans this is crazy!!!

1 year ago

bellojelloz (avatar)

bellojelloz Omg I'm so upset I used to love this column as a teen UGH

1 year ago

Sunorchid (avatar)

Sunorchid Woah..who is this Kelly?? Woah😒😏

1 year ago

xoxofliss (avatar)

xoxofliss how is that even published! 😡😡

1 year ago

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