It has been a rather chaotic week for me. I’ve been sleep-deprived because I go to bed at 12mn but only manage to fall asleep around 3am for the whole of the week. But now that I think of it, I think it’s because of the constant worry and unhappiness I kept inside.But I’m so ever grateful when he takes the extra effort to realise my moodiness (I mean I make a super black face for him to see HAHA)
Very much in need of a lot of attention and affection and care and love That I think it’s a little too overbearing. What if this is too much to take in? 😔 Not very sure what to feel about myself anymore... It really sucks to be me. Sometimes. I need to stop relying on people to make myself happy. This is so annoying. I feel fucking suffocated myself. Ugh.
Can’t really count how many days I’ve been ill for the past month or past few months. Either I catch a flu, then recover a week later, then got sore throat again the following week. Is like my body didn’t get to rest. Or did I not get enough rest? I really don’t know. I’ve been trying very hard to get enough sleep and drink enough water every other day. But this cycle repeats itself over and over again.
Thought about this plan of waking up earlier before starting work yesterday night and set an alarm an hour earlier than the time I should normally wake up before work. Then at 6.40am, my alarm clock rang. Subsequently went to off my alarm and gave up trying to wake up earlier. At 6.59am, I decided to wake up and go for my run. Although the run is still pretty bad, but I would say it’s a huge improvement since day 1.
Sometimes I think A LOT. Knowing how different our lives will be and being afraid of how insecure I will be, makes me think a lot.What if he really knows someone else better there? What if this time it doesn’t end well?What if I stepped on his last string of hope? A lot. A ton. Of what ifs. While SOOOO many people give us their blessings; some may want to see you perish.
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