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The Penny Black

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Wannabe pole dancer 👻

June 2019

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There are 29 of them, and this is my favourite. My eyes go to it immediately whenever I enter the gallery and I’ve spent immeasurable time gazing at it.. albeit for too long sometimes 😅I love this show. Aesthetically breathtaking and so rich in meaning.

Wish all of this could end. ‘Just make things happen’ ‘you can do it’ ‘it’s like that’ ‘can you do this’ ‘can you help’ ‘work on this’I don’t want to do anything anymore. I don’t. I thought I’d be better once I’m in the office. I thought I’d launch into work mode and barrel thru tasks... but no. I don’t want to do anything because when I’m done with one, there’s gna be 10 more waiting for me. I can’t.

I feel small. Insignificant. Unwanted. Even a lemon isn’t as sour as my heart now. Why am I so loud, bossy and in your face? Because when I try to reason things out, I’m always talked over. Even when I lay the facts out and it’s clear that I’m right, I’m still told that I’m wrong. I participate in games and I tolerate her existence because I want this unit, something others may call a family, to somewhat still be whole. But it doesn’t matter. My presence isn’t wanted, needed. Why am I alive?

May 2019

Another night, another dream

Had a stupid dream last night and I believe that saying/sharing things means it won’t come true, so I’m writing it here so it won’t come true!! I dreamt that I had sooooooo many pimples. Not just the ones filled with pus but also the hard ones that can be pushed out. I picked at the hard ones and extracted them with their roots. It was satisfying but my face was so sore and bruised after that. Truth is, I haven’t had worrisome zits for a long time and I’m thankful for it. Pls stay that way!!

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