It’s 2 January 2019, and I’m on the MRT at 1 in the afternoon.
Just boarded the train from Pasir Ris, after alighting from the chartered bus and ferry from Pulau Tekong.
The morning went by in a whirl, and a pang of grogginess is hitting me. I’m unsure whether is from the mixture of emotions, or from the waking up at 5:45am this morning.
While I’m on this hour-long train journey, I decided to open Dayre, and pen down a few words.
Perhaps, this will streamline my cluttered thoughts.
(Decided not to continue in the train because I could feel the emotions stirring. Didn’t want to turn into a ball of mess under the public eye. 🥺 now I’m back home, it’s time to continue. *takes a deep breath*)
In the ferry, I witnessed my mum burst into tears.
She has been holding all these emotions back at the camp, because she didn’t want to let him worry.
The rest of us looked at her and laughed, while tears started to flow down her face uncontrollably.
We were not any better either. I think we were just busy distracting ourselves with random thoughts, anything other than our worries towards our little rascal.
I just pray for him to be well and safe for these two weeks.
Dear little one,
Oh how you’ve grown.
I still vividly remember the face day I met you. Gosh, you were so tiny. I was this tiny Primary 1 girl in my school uniform, skipping school for the day after getting news of your arrival.
I remembered a nurse walking by.
“Wah, your little brother ah?”
The next thing I remembered, I was summoned to the delivery room.
There you were, so tiny. Like a shriveled prune haha.
The nurses wanted to clean your neck.
“Meimei, stand at the spot above him! His eyes keep looking around. He’ll look at you. Then the nurse can clean him properly.”
I stood above you, and you peered over.
That was our first interaction as siblings. :’)
Our parents were often out for work. Because of that, mama would assign me to be the one picking you up after kindergarten, and I’ll be waiting anxiously outside, feeling like small adult.
Whenever you exited the school gates, you would come over with a smile on your face. We would then head home together, with your little hand in mine, and we would occasionally stop by the bubble tea store for green tea honey, or the grocery store for potato chips.
When there was nobody at home, we created our own games. We came up with secret codes that only we could understand, we played with fashion shoots and runways, we created an imaginary rival family which we would (undoubtedly) always end up humbly winning (hahaha 🙄).
We train each other secret knocks on the wall, to identify each other in times of emergencies, like if any one of us were to be kidnapped or sth. What dark pessimistic minds we as young kids had. Gosh. Haha.
We created stoves out of our sofa seats, and had our own zichar store. We played our own games, battled each other, and always had loads and loads of laughter.
People always told me that they had issues communicating with their siblings due to an age gap, and I couldn’t understand that.
This gap never existed between us.
We always had a fear that you’d become ‘rebellious’ when you were in your teens.
You know? The typical talking-back-at-parents, staying-out-everyday kinda phase.
We were afraid that you would drift away from the family during this period of time, even though we know you’d always come back.
But you proved that our fears were unnecessary, because you are always this thoughtful kid, and were different from what was stereotypical of a “young boy”.
And we are thankful for that.
You are gracious and kind, and you’re funny and weird shit. I would like to think that part of our weirdness came from our interactions from our younger days. 👀
You grew to be a fine man, being a silent leader in situations, always handling panicky moments with calmness and stability. Needless to say, you were noticed by peers and teachers, and began holding leadership positions.
We are so proud of you.
Your social circle also began expanding, and though you loved the time spent with your friends and enjoyed going out, family would always be at the back of your mind.
I remember you lugged food home from your bbq with your friends from some end of Singapore, because our family is so tamchiak and one of our ways of expressing love would be the sharing of food.
16-year-old boys seldom do this. Some of them would be too embarrassed to do it too. But you did it anyway. 🙂
Over time, we started going through different phases of lives.
Our thoughts and personalities slowly evolved over the years, as we reached new highs and lows in different aspects of our lives.
We grew up, but we never grew apart.
You still came back after your camps and shared the highlights of your days excitedly. You would sit me down at the dining table, and update me of the past happenings of the week.
You still shared about your ‘creepy’ classmates, gossips of your generation. We still exchanged weird awkward memes and Instagram posts, and laughed at cringe-worthy ‘influencers’ together.
You’d randomly sneak behind me to force my arm to do a dab (LOL), and you’ll always entertain us with your answers when we interrupt you during your gaming.
I honestly don’t know how and where you get your patience. We only know that your future gf is incredibly lucky. 😛
Now that you’re moving on to the next phase in life, we wish for nothing but the best for you.
Even though all of us are filled with a multitude of emotions today - nervousness, fear, excitement, and mostly anxiety and more anxiety - always remember that we are always, always proud of you, and we know that you can do it.
I have absolute faith in you that you will shine and achieve great heights, and you’ll survive this with grit and tenacity. ❤️❤️
And we can’t wait for you and your botak head to be back in two weeks’ time.
Meanwhile, please stay safe and healthy, and drink loads and loads of water. Don’t be like the ken chow in ABTM and try to chaokeng ok?
With loads of love,
Update: the little rascal called!
They got forced to call their families HAHA.
A wave of relief came over us when we heard his familiar voice assuring us that everything is good so far. :’)
All ze best, little kiddo. 🌈✨
Wednesday, 2 Jan 2019
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