Mel  (avatar)
updated 4 months ago

me and my existential crisis

Finally caught the cny bug which has been spreading around, and am nicely nestled at home today.

Do your cravings grow exponentially when you’re sick? Because mine sure does. 😭


Anyway, whenever my immune system starts giving up on me, my schedule gets emptied out and I’ll spend the day cooped up at home doing the same few things:

1) Brain starts wandering around to think of any 有的没的

2) Excessive scrolling of social media

3) Laying in bed for 12h

4) Attempt to do some work but failing terribly (mind says: YOU’RE SICK! YOU DESERVE THE RIGHT TO BE RESTING!!! #excuses)

5) Make conscious effort to drink out of my tumblr because if you want to get better, you NEED warm water.

6) scrolls phone even more.

So... I was just scrolling Fb and I came across this thai video.

Thai advertisements? Caption says “get your tissues ready for this?”


So this video was about erm..... biscuits.

But yknow la Thais, they’re bloody good at making sobfests out of random items LOL. I’m a sucker for them though wts.

Always making me feel ridiculous when the product scene comes up at the end.

“I was tearing for biscuits?!? Wtheck!!”

Ok anw the advertisement’s storyline was sth like:

- Guy found himself falling asleep in front of the tv
- woke up finding himself at a strange clinic/head office-looking place
- found out via this man that he has died
- man gave him one chance to call someone
- man immediately calls his girlfriend
- Girlfriend shocked, hangs up immediately
- he calls back, naming her quirks that only the two of them knew
- Girlfriend cries in disbelief
- guy ask gf to retrieve box from tv console

- box has photos of their memories, and ultimately a white envelope which of course, contained a ring
- *cues more tears*
- couple talked about who leaving who behind previously, guy says girl can now do what she liked (watching 2 tv series and eat shabu) since he has passed on before her
- *couple cries like cray*
- guy wishes girl a happy life ahead
- man tells guy he has to meet his dad, grandparents and bobby (probably his deceased pet) soon

And as you’ve guessed it, the box was the biscuit box. 😂

I was in the midst of tearing and then wah, anticlimactic lo HAHA.

Anyway I feel that’s the thing about watching such videos. It’s always videos in such a context (losing your partner, your loved ones, regretting things you’ve yet to do etc) which somehow strikes a chord with us, like an occasional reminder for you to seize the moment, and seize the day.

Sigh, the impermanence of our lives.

I can’t even watch such lovey vids without having that little tinge of fear of losing C. 😰 idk, the thought of it just scares me lah.

Especially for anyone who has been envisioning their whole lives with their partners, as if it IS a given that we will be able to spend our whole lives with them.

What if, just what if things just decided to take a turn? A very terrible and dark thought, but possible nevertheless. 🥺

It’s like social media taught me that life is not really about growing old and dying from old age anymore.

A CNA video taught me that you could be a healthy Mother to a newborn, be in a loving relationship and be finding out that your recent chest pains were actually from this stage-four lung cancer, in your early-thirties.

An Instagram post on my explore page told me that you could be an aspiring young photographer with a huge following, but your body decided to reject chemo and pills time and again, and so you decided to spend your last days not fighting it anymore. Just pure enjoyment of the company of your loved ones, till the very last breath.

A talk with my friend told me that you could be a loving Brother and Son, enjoying a usual weekend trip to Malaysia with your kakis, without knowing that that’ll be the last bike trip ever, for you and your friends.

A chat with my mum told me that you could be a mum who tries her best to shower her family with love and concern, but having to lose her daughter to suicide one day.

It’s just.... living till we’re old and grey felt like a given in the past. Now, it feels like a luxury.

Linking back to this post... i don’t know whether it’s this so-called adulting phase I’m currently in which makes me think about this so damn much.

It’s like having a regular programming of working 9-6 everyday just doesn’t seem to cut it. Am I being a typical millennial? Perhaps I am. 🤕

Hmm sometimes I feel it’s the stress from knowing I am now in FULL control of my life, and the guilt will lay on nobody but myself if I don’t make the right choices in life.

I know my current goal in life is to be

1) financially prudent
2) hopefully retire early than I wish
3) spend a simple and happy life with my other half

But to be able to reach 2), there are definitely ‘wants’ that I have to forgo, in the midst of getting there.

So whenever I make a happy financial decision (being savey in big ticket items etc), I might draft a #dayrefinance post and gleam in budgety delight.

But what if, this isn’t something that I’ve wanted, even though I thought it was?

Having an open-ended choice towards any life’s decisions throws me into this darkness of uncertainty. 🤕

Why live at this part of the world, when you could at another?

Why work this job, when you could do another?

The list goes on.

We realise, rather disturbingly that there could be far more options beneath the surface of what we normally allow ourselves to imagine. We are freer than we thought.

Did a quick Google and found myself relating to this video really well.

So yea..... I think I have existential crisis. 😂

There’s just so much to ponder about. It’s just when I’m caught up with work and daily routine happenings I don’t allow myself to stop and think of what’s going on around me.


Day 44

Wednesday, 13 Feb 2019

15 8
summerskies (avatar)

summerskies GET WELL SOON to both of us!!!! Exactly what I’ve been doing for 2 days!!! In bed scrolling mindlessly through social media HAHA

4 months ago

my365daysproject (avatar)

my365daysproject I watched this advertisement before. Felt so touched at first but the ending really sucked out all the empathy i had for the man. Hahaha

4 months ago

mysavingsattempt (avatar)

mysavingsattempt @summerskies ahhh you’re sick too? GET WELL SOON 🤕 kinda hate such moments because I feel useless haha, but taking it as a break from work! And perhaps a break from exercise for you :p

4 months ago

mysavingsattempt (avatar)

mysavingsattempt @my365daysproject hahaha IKR!! Omg I was like halfway through my tears then the ending got me 😑 felt like I wasted my tears HAHA

4 months ago

Jay_tee (avatar)

Jay_tee omg I totally feel you about the adulting bit. with all the decisions to make and the thinking & stress that goes on behind it, and someone I stop and wonder as well, what happened to the simple life I was envisioning?

4 months ago

summerskies (avatar)

summerskies @mysavingsattempt I alr took 3 days off exercising omg 😭😭😭😭😭

4 months ago

mysavingsattempt (avatar)

mysavingsattempt @Jay_tee ahhh someone who feels the same!! 🙌🏻 so many life decisions coming our way at this age, it’s pretty nervewrecking at times. Sending hugs to you! 💖

4 months ago

mysavingsattempt (avatar)

mysavingsattempt @summerskies you’re be back on your feet in no time!! Focus on resting and recuperating for now 💕

4 months ago

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