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<3

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February 2019

I made him feel like he had done something wrong. He apologised to me, saying he’s sorry if he made me upset today. It makes me feel bad because it must’ve distressed him somehow. When he was not talking to me, I assumed it was because he couldn’t be bothered with me. In actuality, he had been busy getting his haircut, the flowers, picking his mom up and dinner and all. He is even starting relief teaching in school tmr.

He came over and surprised me with a bouquet and card, singing the birthday song. I had been upset, not by anything he had done. I was just annoyed at having to have lunch with his brother’s girlfriend on Sunday. It really had nothing to do with him. And he did ask me if it was okay. Well, I couldn’t have said no even if I didn’t want to. I guess this is God’s challenge to me. Why am I letting this insignificant being cause me to have such a bad mood?

Yesterday I saw a boy who looked so strikingly similar to you in church. He was kneeling down, praying. I immediately felt a tug in my heart. It was such a strong attraction. I still don’t understand why I feel such an attraction to you. What is it about you? Is it because you understood my situation? Is it because you had all the wise and comforting words that I yearned to hear? Did people use to have crushes on Jesus too? They must have!

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