It's 5 minutes past 1am and I'm still wide awake. It's probably because of the coffee I had after dinner. I'm actually thinking that I may be addicted to coffee already because I couldn't last a day without having a cup. Worse is that I crave fore the brown and creamy variant so that means it has sugar. It's actually what's been wreaking havoc to my diet. I'll try to switch to black coffee and see if I can be successful. We're staying at Somerset Alabang Manila for the weekend.
We started our day pretty late today because we slept a little bit late last night. I had chia pudding with mango for breakfast and Summer had sausage and milkfish rolls (not in picture). I initially planned to just eat the mango balls but I didn't want to throw away the leftover mango so I decided to eat it too. I used strawberry milk instead of regular milk. I loved it!
It's been 9 days since we lost my baby to a #miscarriage. I still feel sad and hollow but I don't cry as much as I did last week. I had a necklace custom made for me and I am so happy of the result. It will serve as my memento for loving my living daughter and for remembering my angel baby. The pendant is a nest and the eggs represent my two babies. The other pendant is a bird with the word mama inscribed and the other one is a pendant with a little hand holding a mom's hand. So sentimental!
I conquered my fear of going out and seeing children or pregnant moms and accompanied my daughter to her sing and play class yesterday. It was inevitable that I would see babies and toddlers in her class and so I prepped myself before going. I took photos of my daughter and my husband as they participated in class. After losing Poppy and not even taking a decent photo with her inside my tummy, I realized that I should not take any moment for granted, that I should live in the now.
Today is January 27 and it's been 48 hours since I started cramping, since I had the sinking feeling that it wasn't just a simple episode of pregnancy bleeding. The cramps were so painful that I kept on tossing and turning in bed. I closed my eyes and prayed. I prayed hard, yes I did. Now, I'm still a crying mess.At some point you begin to wonder if the tears will ever stop. But no! Just when you think you're done crying, another wave of emotions come rushing back. I'm in that cycle.
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