Such a challenging day for me today that I don't even know where to begin.
Firstly, he had 2 hrs of bball and I didn't, and I had to meet him for food later. How do I eat at the same time when I had no activity? I also just had breakfast, and then stayed home.
And then we went to eat really challenging stuff - dim sum. Everything had to be shared and I don't know how to gauge how much I have eaten. I ate to satiety, but I kept thinking if I have eaten too much for the zero activity I had.
But I know all this is ed talking, so I have to eat even more.
Went home, and took a kit kat to eat, watch a movie (more sitting) and slept (no movement again).
Now at the gym, and I ate a bun. So much eating! And the counter lady asked if that bun was dinner. I just felt triggered, like is it abnormal to eat before working out? Granted, my workouts are not intense at all.. Sigh.
We ordered like 8 items. And drink too.
Come to think of it, I think I did well in fighting off the stupid ed demons. My health has been improving (as seen from blood work) and no way in hell I wana sabotage that. I have worked so hard, especially in the hormones dept.
Watched this movie today.
Spoiler and triggers alert:
It's about a lady, Grace, and her job at a facility for 'problematic' kids. A girl, Jayden, came in, and Grace found herself relating to her well. They both got a background of parental abuse, self harm etc. I was semi-triggered by the themes of this movie. Abuse, the hate for parents, the self harm urge. So many thoughts and feelings just came rushing back to me.
Sunday, 17 Mar 2019
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