Actually have nothing to write about today. Everything's been pretty routine and it's a good mental break. I I ate immediately upon waking up, because I know that I'm not going to have time to eat at my desk before starting work. In my ed days, I used to use this 'busyness' as an excuse to not eat, but not anymore.
There's no point in tricking my body especially when I'm trying to get my period back. In fact, when recovering from HA, eating immediately when waking up matters a lot, because the body has gone for many hours without food since dinner the previous night. Tricking my body just results in a binge.
I have come to realise one thing - my body is freaking smart! Most times, I binge because of prior restriction. BUT, I also realised that my body has made me binge before, IN ANTICIPATION of restriction, or a busy day when I cannot eat regularly. E.g, when I know that the next day I'm going to be busy or have lots of activities, it may also lead to a binge the night prior! It's like my body is trying to store food, so that it can use it the next day!
I don't think this happens in normal, energy balanced individuals. My body is so afraid of being in an energy deficit that it gives me mental extreme hunger even BEFORE the restriction happens. Wtf right! I also do actually feel this strange sense of fear and anxiety if I know that I can't eat regularly the next day, and that I'm going to feel the sense of hunger. I just cannot stand feeling hungry now.
My body is just super sensitive to hunger. It's like how people intentionally carbo load prior to a race, my body actually forces me to carbo load before a busy day! So some nights I end up overeating due to this. I used to be so puzzled as to why do I binge despite not having restricted at all. Now I know.
Monday, 18 Mar 2019
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