Ok so i thought dayre closed down so i deleted the app but then i saw someone on instagram talking about their post they just wrote on Dayre and i was confused af so i went to the app store and the app was still there! I managed to download it successfully and my account still existed. So i guess I'll go on using it?? I'm not sure. But one thing that changed me was i stopped taking photos of food. I always took it for the sake of dayre, but after i heard the app was closing down, i felt there
was no point in taking photos anymore. Anyways, a lot happened while i was "gone", and one thing was i started seeing a family therapist cos apparently my fam has major problems with/between one another.
Another thing is that i started eating meat again!! Thank god there isn't much vegans here on Dayre or I'll get bashed the fck out. Anyways, the reason is simply this: I don't give a fuck about what i eat anymore. Honestly. I am long over my ED or any sort of disordered eating and tell you the
truth, im enjoying it like crazy. Its so liberating to eat whatever the fuck you want and not give a damn about the effects it has on your body/mind/consciousness/whatever.
To me, recovering 100% is truly not giving a fuck about what you eat anymore and have NO RESTRICTIONS aka veganism/vegetarianism/pescetarianism etc. You're kidding yourself if you say you truly love exercising for hours and hours everyday!! And saying you hate your all time fave foods like KFC fried chicken or ice cream!!
Some days i eat somewhat healthy (yogurt, cereal, veggies, fish) and other days i eat damn unhealthy (cheese fries, macflurry, coke, fried chicken, maggi mee, potato chips) but you know what, as long as it nourished my mind and soul, it doesn't matter. What matters is BALANCE. Being able to eat without thinking yet not to the extent of binging everyday is what every person with some sort of disordered eating should strive for, and the only way to achieve that is to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY
Honestly, life is complicated enough without food, an basic survival instinct, to come and make us feel threatened. There is so much more to life than food, or exercise, or calories, or weight, or thigh gaps, of abs or fucking being "thin enough" (which your brain will convince you that you'll never be anyways).
So stop listening to your goddamn damaged disordered brain and start listening to your HEART, your BODY, your SOUL. Notice the aches in your chest when you run that extra mile, the giddiness that comes when you skipped breakfast, that lightheadness that appears whenever you climb the freaking staircase instead of taking the lift like every godamn normal person does.
Start to treat your body right by giving it the rest it needs. NOW. Next week will become the next week and very soon it'll spiral out of control and you'll never allow yourself to step our of your comfort zone.
Its been a long while, with many ups and downs and relapse after relapse. But now, i think......i think i can finally let it all go now.
Because i want to start living, truly and in the moment.
Sunday, 18 Mar 2018
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