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L

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December 2018

Today send some one home as usual from bt usual place. When we first board the bus, no were no seats together so we sat apart. As soon as there was a seat together, I moved over. I tap him on his knees to let him know. No responds. I sat through the bus ride on my own. When we alighted and walking me home, we didn’t speak a word. In the lift he usual hug me, not today. When we say bye he didn’t kiss me too.

Whenever I send message like that I really mean it about not bringing it up again. Even if feel shitty about it, I feel shitty about it on my own. I hold everything on my own. I will do it to the longest time I can handle it

From today on I’m going to tell people I’m single. I feel say pathetic saying that I got a bf. When you are actually not. Yes we love each other. But you cannot be mine.Today he got jealous when I said I want to meet a male classmate. I didn’t know he was until he said so. I just thought he’s being weird.Thought we would be out for the day but things change and I was home the entire day.

I am going to plan for my trip alone coming March. It is going to be an adventure. Even though I’m abit scared honestly.

After all my years of behind his child, I said the word fuck looking at him and then pay a great price for it. After frantically trying to turn on my laptop to no good newsMe: dad my laptop got water what should I do about it? (Panicky and about to cryDad: (laugh historically)Me: (look at him in disgust) fuck, okay I’m sorry.I walk back to my room and cry. He come after me demand for an explanation of my disrespect towards him.

How long can we have each other?

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