There’s too much in a year to squeeze into one post, yet I find myself here, trying to do exactly that 😂
Usually I would be scrolling through my Dayre updates of the year, recalling fond memories that happened and noting them as highlights. But my lack of updates this year really shows and I find myself having to really think hard about what 2018 was like.
Being super sick the whole of last week really gave me some time to have a good think about it so here goes.
This 2018, I...
Stepped out of my comfort zone
When Shuying first approached me to model for their new clothing line, I admit 99% of me wanted to say no but I’m glad she eased my worries at every step of the way and somehow, everything just slowly fell into place.
From doing dreamy shoots in studios...
To doing a night shoot at a restaurant (with the diners looking... lol)
And on to my very first outdoor shoot, which presented its own set of challenges ☔️
These shoots have definitely opened my eyes to a whole new world and I’m excited to follow basis for as long as they’ll have me!
Attended my first event... alone HAHA
I don’t like to do things alone so this is pretty big to me. If you truly know me, you’d know I’m a real awkward person who does terribly at small talk.
So when I went to this innisfree event alone, I really don’t know what I was thinking lah 😂
But I’m so, so thankful for Stef (whom I met for the first time that day) who sweetly accompanied me around as much as she could, as did Olivia from TGF!
In the end I left feeling accomplished because:
1 - I managed to survive an event all by myself
2 - I managed to appear in their promotional video without fumbling over the lines too much 😂
So impromptu and scary. I really don’t know where all that bravery came from that day!
And I also got the great opportunity to have my face featured on their promotional collaterals for their My Foundation line.
Wow wow wow
2017 me would never have expected 2018 me to do something like this.
Grateful & thankful.
Made some new friends
Friendships that sprung from “work” ☺️
It’s not always easy to find kindred spirits especially when you have to work alongside them, so I’m especially grateful to have found these girls who always make me feel like I belong :’)
Kept (old) friends that truly mattered
are the ones
who will be there
through all the good
and bad days
regardless of how far apart we may be
or how busy we all get.
True friends will always find a way :’)
As you grow older, you’ll definitely find that it becomes increasingly difficult to meet up often and sometimes, to even a set a common date to meet up (😭)
So I’m very, very appreciative of these pals who always make the effort to meet up every few months or every year (my friend lives abroad!) just because we are important to one another :”)
You guys keep me grounded.
Rekindled old friendships
A friend who has given me strength and encouragement though my long job hunting days. Always there to pick me up whenever I feel jaded or just unsure... So grateful ♥️
Hehe another (old) friend from my earliest NN days whom I got to know so much better in the past few months.
I got to know more of her in the past few months than I did in the previous few years we were working and seated next to each other (she doesn’t even rmb we were sitting next to each other pls omg).
Ever thankful for your calm-headed advice and your help at work, no matter how busy you are ♥️
Recognised my first anxiety attack
It happened on the very first day I went back to work. Finally a job after a year of search and what do I do? I get an anxiety attack.
I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I barely even went to the toilet or drank water, I had no appetite (I had no appetite for a week actually), I was always on high alert, I couldn’t stay calm....
I didn’t know what I was feeling. I didn’t know what to do. It lead me to a series of terrible decisions and I just kept wondering “what’s wrong with me?”
Is it the work? Is it me? Is it the people?
I couldn’t find an answer, because it wasn’t just one thing. It was a series of little things that triggered this emotional state of panic in me.
When I finally realised what was happening, then I could control it better. When I felt a wave of panic take over me, I make a mental note to be aware of those feelings and then I tell myself to calm down. I open a note in my phone that I wrote to myself (when I was calm) and I read those lines.
Over and over till the anxiety washes away.
Initially, I felt embarrassed to be feeling this way. Unable to cope, unable to deal. But then again, I realised I was being cruel to myself.
A year of isolation from work. From a whole floor of people, co-workers. From a list of tasks that needed to be done ASAP.
How could I not feel overwhelmed? How could I not panic?
I had to tell myself that it was okay to be feeling the way I was feeling. To accept myself and my emotions.
It was difficult. I cried at my desk. I cried in my second week.
I cried after just reading a text from my mother.
I felt like I was disappointing everyone. And myself.
Slowly I learnt to pick myself up. To take the tasks one by one as they came and to be better prepared for the next.
Things slowly fell into a routine, I became less emotional, less worried and a little happier.
I can’t say I won’t have an anxiety attack again in the future.
But at least I know how to recognise it, accept it and move through it.
I’m glad I went through this and I’m glad I had the support from X, my parents, sisters and friends through all my emotional breakdowns, self-doubt and trying times.
Still don’t know what I want in life
In life, in my career...
I haven’t fully figured out what I want yet. And that’s okay...? A big part of 2018 was spent floundering around the popular interview question -
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Your answer is supposed to project your ability to plan ahead, to show your rational thinking etc but truthfully, why isn’t it okay to just not know?
Life doesn’t always go the way you want it anyway, so why not just go with the flow?
If along the way, you find your calling then wonderful. But if not, what’s the harm in just trying everything?
I leave 2018 with steadfast belief in what I’ve been telling everyone, and that is “never try, never know”.
So I’m gonna try everything (or least whatever I can, and want to) and hopefully find something I don’t dislike! 😛
Here’s to 2019! A better year I’m already sure because at least I get to go to Korea again wheeee
Have fun this NYE friends! ♥️ thanks for staying and reading!
Monday, 31 Dec 2018
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