Haven’t put words down here in a while.I started off this case disappointed because the attending said he was in a rush and would be doing most of it. He apologised. I kept my head down and mumbled okay.But then, he let me do a bit, and then commented that I had improved a lot, and I got to do one whole side by myself.This means that I didn’t spend the last 10 weeks with the endoscope for nothing.
It's true when they say you'll be hearing your attending's voices in your head for the rest of your career. Had a patient with an obstructive airway mass that we had to sedate to intubate due to behaviour issues. I had set the equipment up exactly how we did for a similar intubation months before. This time though, the airway attending wasn't there. I checked all the lights, all the scopes, made sure all the tubes would fit. Anaesthesia took a try and failed. It was on to me.
This has been a really demoralising month. Sure, middle ear surgery is really challenging. And sure, this attending has his quirks that make things more stressful. But I've been on a stretch of cases that make me feel that I am not cut out for this. And I don't know if it's the words of this attending that's making me doubt myself, or if I truly don't have the skills for it.
Another difficult airway today, this time from angioedema. We all watched the patient go from breathing ok to uncomfortable and agitated to being unresponsive, all in the matter of minutes.I learnt more today, about intubating an agitated patient with a challenging airway.I am also so so so thankful for best friends in this long long road that is residency training. We chatted for a long time and I definitely gained more clarity on airway management.
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