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👂🏻👃🏻👅 lokun in trump-land

February 2019

Did a tymp (closure of ear drum hole) almost entirely on my own. The process wasn’t very pretty, or that efficient, or clean, but at the end it looked okay, the hole was closed and the graft was supported. And I did all the steps on my own. Most of all, I lifted the annulus and got into the middle ear all on my own. It’s been this step that has always defeated me. The attending has always had to step at this juncture because I would never get it right.

January 2019

Morbiditity and mortality conference is when the entire department meets to discuss patient complications and deaths in the past few months.In past years I’d just sit at the back and listen as people argued and put in various comments, warranted or unwarranted.Today’s conference had a few patients whom I was responsible for. And it felt different. My decisions were on the line. I felt defensive.

In the mess and confusion, I realised the glove that I had put on had fallen off, and the patient’s blood was all over my hand and under my fingernails. And I had a tiny cut under my fingernail. Which meant that I had a blood-borne exposure. Ugh. This patient had HIV, so this meant weeks of taking prophylactic HAART therapy. This sucks. Maybe this cut isn’t so bad? Is it really a cut? Maybe I didn’t get exposed? Why was I so careless ... AGAIN???

Looked back at my old posts and, wow, I was brimming with optimism and good feels. Now, I just get bogged down my the hum drum same old day after day.I still have this cold. It makes me sympathise with the sinusitis patients more, because this is what they deal with every day for months and years, the nasal congestion and mucus and nose blowing. It makes me tired to keep coughing so much; my head feels like it’s going to burst.

Working with a cold is the worst. Spent the weekend on call with a trickly nose and my usual hacking cough and left me in tears at times from all the coughing.Thankfully I still was able to sleep and didn’t get any emergency surgeries or airway calls.It got so bad I staring googling when a cold peaked, because I was feeling so terrible I couldn’t imagine getting any worse. I also started to feel like this was how it was going to be forever.

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