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Christine Ong

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March 2019

Anxious. I've lost hope.

Thought my husband deleted the dayre app after the announcement that must pay and so no longer reads my dayre. But this morning he read out snippets of my post yesterday where I confessed my purchases. Hahaha. I wouldn't hide from him but I just didn't say anything yesterday cos by the time he came home from vocal class it was 945! And I wanted to watch netflix so telling him I purchased xxyy didn't cross my mind hahahaah 🤣Not that he will stop me la.

I've got 6 days to go (not counting next Tuesday) before the blood test. Whenever I have a moment to myself I tend to worry about seeing blood. Haiya told myself not to worry because if I see blood most likely transfer fail. Worry also cannot stop it coming. It's either I'm pregnant or I'm not. But ttc is not logical!!! My side effects are so horrible this time around and I get affected by all the aches. Now got backache somemore aiyo. I was naughty today.

Same odd twinges here and there. Mood swings are really bad - just feel so down all the time. It's only been 6 days since transfer (including day of the transfer itself) but I'm getting anxious because as it gets closer to the end of the 2ww, the possibility of bleeding gets higher and you just feel scared that the blood test will be a negative. I'm craving foie gras and sashimi.

Yesterday was a really bad day. Really bad. I wonder if the progesterone is the thing that is elevating my usual aggression levels. Lol. I was just so angry yesterday. Sore boobs and nausea as well. Hate that this medication mimics pregnancy symptoms it's a cruel joke. Half day today because department going for go karting outing. I will go of course but not race in a kart. Dunno how to avoid the questions. Most of my colleagues know but there are still quite a few that do not.

We did the transfer yesterday. It was scheduled at 8am so we basically had to wake up 6am (to give time for me to insert the progesterone). Was a mad rush out of the house and it was raining and basically I got stressed out trying to reach the clinic by 730am. And then my bladder wasn't full enough so I drank another 800ml and then the bladder was too full while waiting for Dr Loh to come. The embryologist told us that they would be transferring a Grade 2 8 cell and a Grade 2 10 cell.

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