Never thought that I'll actually be writing 3 posts just on The Day alone. So this marks another day in the hospital, on this labour bed.
So since 12am, I had been on the bed trying to sleep. Nurses came in every once in a while so sleep was interrupted, but I really didn't mind cos I was looking forward to knowing how I had been doing.
Every other hour when the nurse came to release my urine, she'll check my dilation too. But this time it was different from the whole of yday.
I could move myself easier on the bed because the numbness of the epidural had worn off slightly. Slightly, that's what I thought. Until the nurse started to insert the tiny tube in to drain my urine and for the first time, I felt everything. I felt every movement and insertion of the tube, and at some points it hurt.
And when she did the dilation check, it felt just like before I had epidural. It hurt really badly.
That's when I knew that my epidural had really worn off hips down cos I could feel every pain. I started to feel soreness from the stretches from dilation checks too, and every contraction was felt no longer at the lower ab, but at the vjj. That really sucked.
Nurses gave me a top up dose around 4 something that helped me ease the pain, and I managed to fall asleep a lil.
We all thought that by 6am baby should be out, but by then I was still 2cm plus dilated.
But when I heard that I was still 2cm plus, my heart sank. Water had already been broken and we're not supposed to drag too long before letting baby out else he might survive in a hostile environment. Then thoughts of potential c-sec came into mind and I just felt so overwhelmed and disappointed.
From tearing I started to sob. I told boon I now know how mothers feel when they need to have emergency c-sec.
After all the waiting and pain, trying all sorts of potential methods, it still came down to c-sec. Don't get me wrong, c-sec is okay but personally, that's my last option. But like I always say, I'll do anything it takes to bring my baby safely into this world. So I'll go for c-sec or worse if that's my last resort.
But still, I couldn't help but to feel beaten up. I was disappointed. I just felt sad and I couldn't control my tears.
After every check from the nurses, I'll try to control my tears but eventually sob uncontrollably in the end. The uncertainty coupled with hope was such a mixed combo.
At the same time I know we've been keeping everyone waiting- families, friends, readers, followers. Everyone has been checking in on us to ask out of concern, but I couldn't help but feel a little bad for making everyone wait. We have nobody to blame but I just feel bad for breaking another news that no, baby isn't out yet.
That maybe we need another few hours more, and proceed to explain why. I've no problem explaining cos I want everyone to know the real situation too, but I guess at that point I just got tired of explaining. I felt like throughout these 36 hours we had a lot of explanation to do. Pls don't feel bad if you were one of the ppl who asked us how's everything. I'm touched by your concern but I guess I just had a moment of breaking down and tiredness.
6am- Our gynae came to check in on us and I thought after the dose of epidural top up I would be pretty numb by then. But no. It still mysteriously didn't reach the bottom part of my body. Maybe not yet. So every stretch from the cervix progress check hurt like hell. Shivered from the pain. Doc said its still 2cm but, there's progress on the cervix as its a little shorter from his last check.
He knows we really want a normal birth, and since bean is stil doing well in there with his healthy heartbeats showing on the monitor, doc felt we could still wait another 6 hours, so that meant we'll be waiting until 12 noon today.
Boon and I are okay with waiting since we're not rushing anywhere and since baby is still doing great inside, but I know this waiting news might be disappointing to the excited and anticipating grandparents.
I asked boon to quickly message them to tell them about it and when he whipped out his phone, true enough my mil had already messaged him way in advance asking if the baby is out.
Couldn't help but to cry again. No idea why I was crying but I just felt overwhelmed by the whole situation.
7.20am- Could feel every contraction so the nurse gave me yet another top up of epidural. Now I'm feeling the shivers and feeling drowsy too. Will be taking a rest now.
9.30am- Our gynae dropped by to check on me. No dilation check cos nurse had already done that. He said he'll come by at noon to see if I have any progress. If I'm dilated 6-7 by noon then we might continue waiting, but if not then we might have to opt for csec.
10.25am- At this point I really don't care anymore. Since I've already tried all means possible- induced, endured 6 hours of 2min apart contractions but 1cm dilated throughout (which was very discouraging), epidural since 27 hrs ago but didn't help much with faster dilation (but helped a lot with keeping me alive and sane), and waiting and more waiting.
Only method left is csec and really, whatever it takes to bring my baby out into this world safely. 1 and a half hrs more and we shall know.
Wow I've been MIA since 10am plus! So here's what happened in the past 13 hours.
After our gynae came in around 1.30pm to check on my dilation one last time before we decided to opt for csec or not. The result was still the same, 2cm. So we unanimously agreed that csec would be a better choice than to still wait for bigger dilation.
Right aft that we were given the consent form to read through all the potential risks etc and sign, and everything happened just so quickly after that. Before we knew it, I was being wheeled into the operation theatre.
This whole csec experience was eye opening to me. First time in an operation theatre, and first time being transferred from bed to bed to bed (3 times in a row).
Boon was ushered somewhere to change into the operation gown, while I was being strapped up down left right by what felt like a village. I now understand why csec is so expensive. It took a village to get things going quickly and efficiently!
My anesthesiologist, Anita was there too to oversee the topping up of epidural. Initially I was a bit worried cos instead of general anesthesia, I was given epidural for the operation. I rmb first hearing it from @fourfeetnine.
She said it totally worked and she felt no pain whatsoever, so that really helped me to relax a bit cos I always wondered what would happen if the epidural doesn't work on me and I could feel every cut? 😱
Boon came into the theatre all dressed up in operation gown, and was asked to sit right beside me (my head). A huge drape of cloth was just like, 2cm away from my face so most the time I was looking towards the right where Boon was.
Within 5 mins baby was out! Doc quickly showed him to us over the cloth and I had the best sight ever. He was so cute all covered in white stuff from the womb 😂 They had to quickly get him covered cos the operation theatre was super coldddd. Aft doc showed him to us, he started crying to which I felt very relieved about. I know baby's first cries mean a lot of things, and it's always better to have loud cries than weak ones or none at all.
His cries were so unique...they were loud enough but not the crazy angry kinda cry that I've been hearing from labour rooms for the past few days. His was a very "kelian", pitiful kinda cry haha...and it was so cute 😂
When I heard him cry I couldn't contain my tears of joy. Boon would probably tell you that I was smiling from ear to ear the whole time I was being cut open, even while bean bean was crying. Basically I looked like an idiot smiling and crying at the same time.
At that moment I just felt so happy and relieved. Like finally, there's no more uncertainty. After so long of being uncertain and always checking his movements and heartbeat, my dilation and contractions, finally all that came to an end when we got the baby out safely into this world. The feeling was magical and overwhelming.
After baby was swaddled, a nurse brought him to have a cheek to cheek moment with me. And that's when boon whipped out the camera to capture this.
I was just a few cm away from my child. Finally I was able to see him close up. For that short moment, I spoke to him softly and said, "Hi baby, it's mommy here. Can you recognize mommy's voice?"
When he heard my voice he became super alert and tried opening up his eyes. I was so touched cos he knows my voice 😭 I also noticed that he has very nice, pinkish skin. Could it be all the birds nest I consumed? I couldn't wait to see more of him.
Aft bout 1 min they brought him out into the nursery.
Boon was contemplating whether to stay with me for the remaining parts of the surgery, or to follow baby to nursery to make sure they tagged him correctly and stuff. I told him to follow baby cos I didn't need any help at that point. I also wanted him to experience the first moments of our son's birth, carrying him and holding him while i couldn't.
Initially I was a bit sad when we found out that bcos I have csec, I wasn't able to have the first hour of skin to skin moment with the baby. I had been looking forward to that. But it's ok they said the daddy could do skin to skin with baby in the nursery too, so I told boon to go ahead. Daddy's privilege this time. Later on I found out that boon didn't do skin to skin per se, but he held him in his arms and he said that felt surreal. First time he's holding a baby he could call his own 😭
Baby was born at 3.01pm. My operation was wrapped up prolly around 3.30pm, but I waited in the Recovery Room until 6.45pm before the staff were available to push me back to my ward. Those 3 hours were grueling. I was cold, in pain from the wounds and wondering where my baby was, what he was doing, etc. I didn't even get to have a good look at him before he was taken away from me.
With both our families waiting to catch a glimpse of the baby, I was pretty sure everyone would have taken photos with my baby. At the same time I couldn't let them know I was doing ok and they must have wondered what was taking me so long, a supposed 1-hour monitoring dragged on til 3 hours.
Tried sleeping during those times cos I was exhausted by then. Finally when I was wheeled back to my ward, my family greeted me and told me they had been waiting for me so they could see bean together.
I was like, huhhhh? You guys haven't seen baby yet? They said no they wanted to wait for me first cos I am the mommy, and they don't want to take those first moments away from me. I was so touched when I heard that 😭 Boon also later on told me he was adamant that I saw and carried baby first before anyone else. So he stayed in the nursery with him and didn't bring him out tho he could have. 😭😭😭
Finally in the ward and able to carry my baby. Did some skin to skin with him and took a close look at all his features. He's beautiful and extremely patient. Tried to breastfeed him and tho he was frustrated with no milk supply, he didn't throw tantrums or cry, but kept on trying.
According to boon he was super calm and didn't cry one bit when he took the injection in the nursery, while the rest of his newborn peers yelled at the top of their lungs.
Calmness was one of the many things we prayed for him, and here we have a very calm baby. After trying to breastfeed him, we welcomed our families in to take a closer look at him, carry him, etc. He looked at everybody alertly and at some points smiled at them too.
He fell asleep after that and tho the tv was on and everyone was super noisy, he continued sleeping soundly all the way until everyone left. Baby, please continue this habit of yours 😂🙏🏻 I'm already proud of you my baby.
Due to my wounds I couldn't really move myself so couldn't take nice photos of him. But boon took some that were quite nice and showed his face clearly, and I shall share them here!
Hello Dayre, meet bean bean ❤️
Aunty Evangeline who wouldn't stop staring at him and getting close to him 😍
My mom couldn't stop staring at her first grandchild. We brought him back to the nursery at one point cos he needed to stay warm, but after a few min my mom was like, aiyoooo I miss him. He's very cute. Can we bring him back into the room?
Daddy and his first grandchild 😍
Excited Aunty Charity 😘
Finally it was her turn! They were so excited to hold him ☺️
And here's Daddy Boon who wouldn't stop marveling at his newborn son ❤️
Will update more and reveal baby's name tmr!
Thank you Dayreans for all the encouragement and love. You guys really helped me go through the past 43 hours of labour better. So, thank you ❤️
Thursday, 10 Dec 2015
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