Vanessa Alessandra (avatar)
updated 2 months ago
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New year, new beginnings.

January had been a good one so far even though it’s been tough doing things I haven’t done before and really getting out of my comfort zone.

But I’m thankful because everything came into place right after a tough phase and that I’m currently too busy to even be thinking of anything else. This 5 day long weekend had me thinking again though.

我以为自己终于找到一个可以永远陪着我的人

一年半后 觉得自己好傻

付出了那么多 后来什么都没了

Another failed relationship. 5th one in my 23 years of living. But I realised that I’ve missed out a lot. I lost myself in the process of this relationship. I forgot what I love to do, I forgot who I love to spend time with. In fact I think I realise after of who I would love to spend my time with.

My heart still hurts, but I’m healing with the thought of doing what I love to do again. It was a toxic relationship in the end. Sigh.

Thankful for the ones that stuck by throughout this period.

Just a week plus ago, someone told me he’s in Singapore! He haven’t been here and the last time we met was like 3 years plus ago back in 2015. So I squeezed out time to go catch up with him even though it was just for awhile. Met him at his installation site at Marina Bay. How nostalgic, just 3 years ago I was there doing mine.

He actually came earlier but was a little busy and didn’t wanna disturb me too.

没想到他还会记得我 也没想到我们会再见一次面


But I realised after meeting him that I’ve been missing out on so much. My heart kind of hurts after the meeting because there’s so many other people that I’ve missed and I have given up so much for a year plus and even wanted to sacrifice everything I love just to be with this guy that doesn’t even care about the things I do.

I have never treated someone so well with all my heart before and I never expected that the first time I do, to end up being a wreck.

While I was typing this, I just got a shock cause someone I thought have forgotten about me and am not gonna talk to me again just did. & he sent me a voice message hahaha.

It’s nice to know you’re not being forgotten by someone who’s miles apart from you.

Anyways, I’m thankful for everyone especially on my birthday this year. I was like gonna have an early night because I had to wake up early the next day but my friends just suddenly sort of had a mini celeb for me hahaha.

I’m sorry that I’m always doubting people. I’m sorry that I give up so easily. I’m sorry that my temper always gets the better of me.

Gonna learn to appreciate a little bit more this year.

Day 36

Tuesday, 5 Feb 2019

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