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February 2019

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I am planning to wean my boy from breastfeeding. Mainly because I don’t feel that I have enough milk for him anymore, he wakes up very often and he suckle for very long. I don’t know if he is getting any milk but I am exhausted as hell.Especially now when I fall sick, it’s been a week I fell ill (thanks to my boy passing me his virus). I needed that rest so badly but at the same time I am quite reluctant to wean.

Stressful CNY, son first time fell sick. Fever, flu, phlegm and cough..And again and again my MIL ask me to feed Ian cerelac instead of real food which I am feeding him. It’s been more than 10 times she ask me to buy, saying that her friends grandson so fat and strong eating cerealac.Ian is already 1 years old, isn’t real food better than added sugar? Urgh .. so annoying

January 2019

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This happened. No words can describe how shitty I feel now.

Today I blow my top, I shouted at my baby to force him to open his mouth to eat.He don’t even want to open his mouth, he shut it tight. I shouted at him and he cried and my heart cried too but I was so stressed because if he don’t eat, he will wake up every hour for milk and I can’t do this anymore. He cried till he nearly choked. So I went to the room to calm myself down.Why don’t he want to eat? Not even a spoon. What goes on, he will spit out.

Felt like a lousy mom today. I was preparing his bath and put him in the bath tub with his toys. I looked away for one second and ‘bammmm’ he fell flat face down and he is bleeding. His lips bled so much that his whole face is covered with blood. Sigh... I felt so sorry, his lips is now swollen and still as chirpy as ever. I just wish that it’s me that hurt myself..

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