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Missing my angel and will always be

December 2018

I'm crazy nowadays when I'm on social media seeing random people's (e.g. politicians) photo my mind went like why didn't they have cancer. Why my bf. I wish my brain can be kinder but I realize I do not have control over it 😐

Met up with my friends and they randomly asked about him and I immediately broke into tears. Couldn't bring myself to say any words to tell them about it.Before this when we were planning the meet up, they asked me to bring him along and I just brushed it off saying he can't join.I wish I could tell them all about him, how he pampered me, what a nice person he is. But what's the point now.I didn't want to ruin the mood so I only left a text to tell them about his condition afterwards.

It's getting harder for me to fall asleep lately. Last night was ok because I took cough syrup. I really am coughing but I can do without cough syrup, actually I hate the taste of cough syrup and would very much avoid it if I can.Now should I take the cough syrup πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€” it's 2am now..... I'm not coughing at THIS moment.. πŸ€”πŸ€”

Insomnia hits. Might as well do some work sigh*****

Why. There is no why.There is no how.It is what it is.Just me and my shit luck.

ι‚£ζ˜―ζˆ‘δ»¬ιƒ½ε›žδΈεŽ»ηš„δ»Žε‰It breaks my heart again and again looking at our photos. I don't know why I make myself look at the photos. I truly just want to hide under my blanket forever.I should be positive. I must be positive.

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